Monday, November 23, 2009

Lead me not into temptation but deliver me from evil




I don't think I could really write every temptation I have had to resist in my life. Some of them are so seriously evil I couldn't describe how wrong it seemed to me. I definately credit the Lord for delivering me from how evil the world can be. As a child there was temptation right away . Some of these stories you may or may not find gruesome or to hard to read. At times my life was like a some kind of dark mystery I could only hope God would deliver me from. One of The first real evil temptations in my life was at the age of about 7 or 8 years old. A neighbor up the street invited me and another kid over for his birthday. He was kind of a mentally challenged kid. His father was a garbage man. His family always seemed a little strange to me. We were in his basement and I was digging through some of his board games trying to find one to play. He yelled across the basement for me to watch something. I ignored him and he was shouting at me. I said just a minute I am trying to find a game. I finally stopped what I was doing and looked across the room. He said you missed it. don't you want to see. I said see what. He told his little sister only 2 or 3 to do it again. She dropped her pants and he started laughing and getting excited. I said why did you ask her to do that do you think that is neat. You shouldnt think thats neat she's just a little girl. He didnt seem to understand so I just stayed calm and figured there was no helping the guy. His whole family seemed sick so I didnt tell his parents. I put it out of my mind. Then the ohter kid who was there told his parents. There was a big argument over what really happened. No one ever did tell the authorities about the family. Instead they argued about who was wrong and who was to blame amongst themselves. They figured I was bad because I didnt tell anyone about it. Then like hypocrites didnt tell the authorities either. So it probably kept going on. I luckily moved away from the neighborhood. There were other temptations even at earlier ages then the one I wrote about. The neighborhood I lived in was fairly normal at appearance. The times just very evil. The kids in the neighborhood were secretly using drugs and experimenting sexually ate ages very young. Catholic,Protistant, or of no faith they all hid thier evils in private. Theft and burglary went unreported. Assaults and harrasments were unreported. The adults always hiding who their children had become and what they actually did in private. Swearing by thier adolescence they are only children and they just didnt understand the wrong to it yet. None seemed to believe there was any real church or any real holy life it was a blaspheme of. When I started middle school the peer pressures started. The temptations were getting more abundant. I was pressured by other kids to steal. I was tempted to lie. I was tempted by several young woman to start sexually sinning. One time two young women the age of 12 walked by a group of me and my friends at night after swimming at the highschool. We were in the grandstands resting on our way home. The two girls stopped and talked to us. They were drunk. They went away momentarily can came back without any shirts on. They were half naked. They yelled out they wanted to have sex. I walked with one pleading with her to find her shirt and sober up. She refused and one of my friends walked off with her friend. Another walked off with the her. I pushed my friend off and told him she was to drunk and to young. I yelled out we are going to get in trouble for taking advantage of a drunk girl. I remember the first time I was tempted to smoke cigarettes and marijuana. I was presidential fit and went swimming at the high school often for excersize. One night a group of my friends who I had trained in cubscouts with were at the swimming pool. While waiting for our parents one of them lit up a cigarette. I did not know the child smoked. He had hid it from everyone. He asked me if I wanted to try it. I refused and he pushed it towards me saying" Come on how do you know you dont like it until you try it". The rest of the group tried it. I then gave in to temptation. They continued to find a pop can and poked holes in it. They placed a small amount of marijuana on it. I again had no idea they used marijuana or where they got the marijuana. The same process occured where the instigator pressured everyone to try it. I was the last to try it and again gave in. My friendship with my peers was weakening and I no longer knew who to trust. As my younger years progressed the temptations increased yet I was learning to resist. The worst temptation was when I was 14 and one of my neighbors came to me asking me if I wanted to go with him to kill someone for 30,000 dollars . He was going to split the money with me. I had just returned from my first hunting trip. I resisted the temptation to say the least. I moved from the area I was living. In the next city many more temptations awaited before I had reached adulthood. A ministers daughter once had invited me to go with her after a dance to the church to make out. She left the door open of the Lutheran Church that day having planned to bring a boy back from dancing. I went up to the church with her.
I had been pressured by new friends to have sex with girls. I had been approached by girls sexually. I had been pressured to use drugs. Many of the temptations I resisted others I didnt resist. Yet the more temptations the less the world became to me. By the time I was 18 the world seemed like nothing to me. I drew close to God around the age 19 and the temptations I learned to pray always to endure and resist. I grew in stength physically and spiritually. Some of the kids I knew in high school started using meth amphetamines. I was tempted a few times to use meth. I tried it and the Lord led me away from it quickly. I let a highschool friend live with me when I was 18. He was thrown out of his mothers house because he listened to Satanic Music. My mistake was not really taking it serious enough. He had never bothered anyone I knew of when I was younger. He seemed harmless enough. He was an italian catholic backslider. He knew a German kid who was leader of a small town Aryan Skin Head Movement. The Gang Leader came over to my apartment asking me if I wanted to go with him to beat up people in the city of Portland and steal their leather jackets. I declined and never saw him again. He was trying to find people to recruit thats why he came over. I had another friend who he visited often trying to get him to be involved with the gang.
Still I was tempted and provoked often. Most of my adult temptations came after the age 25. When I was 25 I was parked in front of a gas station convenience store in california in a co-workers truck. Two 12 year old young girls approached the truck. They told us they wanted to get drunk and have sex using provocative language trying to entice us. We both yelled out they are to young and told them to go away. Once when I was 23 a young 16 year old girl was making strange loud noises in her apartment bedroom facing the sidewalk. I was walking by on the sidewalk. On the way back she yelled out at me and asked me to stop. She came out explaining she was having sex with her friend. Her friend came out and was over 21 himself. Her mother actually was in the apartment. As I was leaving she followed me up the street abit and asked me to go on a date with her. I resisted and never did return. Once I was on an indian reservation near Bellingham Washington. I lost my I.D. card and couldnt rent a room or cash checks. A retired Green Beret vietnam vet american indian told me I could live on his land on the reservation until my I.D. came. I lived in a tent on Lummi Island. One of the indians began explaining how I could sell marjuana for money. He told me he grew an 80,000 dollar crop one year. I started work in security after getting my P.I. diploma. I was offered money to help a guy fight other men who offended him. I was approached for sex by woman on the job sites. When I was around 30 I had started using the internet for the first time. I was naive at first and checked out the personals. Then I started getting emails from woman wanting to have affairs. Some would send me nude pictures and tell me they wanted me to be a partner for their bisexual threesomes. I stopped the personal ads experience. Being niave doesnt make you innocent even on the internet. Internet temptations arise just about everyday even doing this blogging. When I went into the army at age 31 I was tempted while training. During basic training I heard a group of privates cursing and they cursed so often I remarked about it. When I told them they would do more well to not use curse words as much as they do. They began to circle my bunk and curse me for long periods until almost in a rage provoked I ended up cursing back. They did this several times through training. Because of the seriousness of training for combat and the mental fatigue It really caused me to curse more than I had ever before. I went to the catholic chaplain and told him about it. That helped but it took me months after discharge before I could return to a normal vocabulary without cursing. A few times here or there I was tempted by young private woman wanting to have sexual affairs. I was tempted to go awall. Then ofcourse there was the actual name of the training company and platoon I was in. The company was called the Delta Death Dealers and the Platoon was the Outlaw platoon. So we chanted chants about being Outlaw Deathdealers. One of the chants was yelling out"Cowboys from Hell Baby!!". If I didnt sound off with the rest of the platoon or company I would of been breaking the law at the time. When I got out of the army I went to Hollywood. In Hollywood I was tempted daily and nightly. Each day I was offered marijuana. There was loose and promiscious woman all around by the thousands. Most dressed in a different manner than you would see in other cities. I met a man who said he was a producer. This man was a cicilian jewish man. He told me he knew I was going to make him rich . He told me he was going to get me my own show. Each day he would come over and visit me. He said he helped MaDonna get started before she met shawn Pen. In her early career. According to him she lived with him in his mansion in Beverly Hills. He showed me a video of him recieving the family film award. Then showed me a reporter magazine with his name as co-producer to a horror movie. Also he showed me a documentary film he had made about the Mafia family who built Los Vegas. He had a poster with him and Sylvester Stallone. He came over and had a porn magazine in his pocket one day. He then wanted to view a porn on my dvd player. I explained I am catholic and didnt watch porn. He told me he believed in Jesus and his family was jewish so he had to be secretive because his investors were also jewish . He told me he would like to be baptised . We discussed him secretly being baptised in the same catholic parish I was baptised. However I started to learn how he would do business. He was a con man. It started to make me suspicious about him possibly being cicilian mafia. He was often on the phone talking in cicilian . He wrote bad checks to people all over town. I suspected him really hiding he was doing bankruptcy fraud and hiding out in the cheap hotel we met in. He asked me to help him forge a check once and thats all it took to part my ways. Not long after that I met a Grammy Judge out on Hollywood Blvd near the Hotel I was living. His condo was across from the Hotel. We were discussing the cost of renting in L.A. . He told me about his condo and asked me if I wanted to see inside. There was alot of gays in Hollywood and I was fresh out of the army so it all was strange to adapt to. I mentioned I was straight and just wanted to let him no in case he got the wrong idea. He told me not to worry he's a proffesional and its nothing like that. He just wanted to show me his condo if I wanted to see how they look inside. I went inside he showed me his keyboards and mini grand piano and told me his story how he became a grammy judge. He had a masters degree in music and toured playing piano since he was child according to him. He offered me a drink of hard alcohol I accepted. We talked for awhile as the night progressed abit he had asked me if I wanted a part in a movie he was making with Shawn Cassidy. I declined. Before I had left he did what I suspected might be his motive before I went inside. He asked me if he could give me oral sex. I stayed calm and told him I was straight really. He told me if I was only into woman I could pretend he was a woman. I stayed calm and he apologized. So temptations were getting worse and worse. I had been pressured to use marijuana more than any other drug. I moved from Hollywood to Portland Oregon. In portland there was so many strip clubs. I was often tempted to goto strip clubs by coworkers and neighors. I had been inside a few times. Each day I was tempted by crack dealers and marijuana dealers. On sales jobs I was tempted to lie and swindle. Some of the sales coworkers were worse than teens about peer pressure to sexually sin and use drugs and alcohol. I was once tempted by an ex pimp drug dealer. He asked me if I wanted to start a business throwing executive dinner parties with stripper escorts as dates for the parties. He told me how to market the business and the processes involved. His cousin worked for the business journal and that was the main marketing method. So I have been tempted galore and pray so much for God to deliver me. I resisted more than I could of imagined . I didnt live sinless but I have endured so far. I am working on some serious things and need to use a polygraph for some of the projects. I hope and pray my polygraph test comes as true as I need it to. My reason for writing this blog is to share the kind of real temptations out there. I couldnt write all the temptations out nor begin to explain how I was able to resist and endure in my own words. Atleast not on a blog. I know now why it tells us in Gods word to pray the Lords prayer.

Our Father who art in Heaven       
Hallowed be thy name                                                               
Thy kingdom come
Thy will be done
On earth as it is in heaven
Give us this day our daily bread
Forgive our trespasses
As we forgive those who trespass against us
Lead us not into temptation!!!
But deliver us from evil!!!

No comments:

Post a Comment